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Assertiveness Formula: ‘Cos what you allow, will continue!

  • By faber
  • September 12, 2017

We all like to put forth our opinions over everything, irrespective whether we need to speak or not. If it had been a perfect corporate world, we would have openly shared our opinions about how much your co-worker is bothering you? How much has your patience being tested? You could also express that part of you that feels underappreciated and marginalized. But sadly all this cannot be done since we might end up in to conflicts.

It feels pushy and overly aggressive to be assertive in the organization, especially if you are shy, or timid, or from a background where you are trained to be quiet, as it is inappropriate to talk back. At the same time; it might feel awkward and unnatural if you aren’t inclined to voice your opinions.
Speaking up might sound hard but it is not impossible. Voicing your opinions with an “assertiveness formula” can help. Let us chalk out this “Assertiveness Formula” into three steps

1. Start with a compact and objective Statement
Your statement should be short, and to the point. It should not be emotional and should be even handed. It should be such that you are just trying to draw the attention of the other person, in a way that minimizes his defensiveness. Keeping the subject line as short and to the point, it leaves you with an advantage for the opposite person to not to discontinue immediately or not to disagree.

2. Describe the side effect of an act or incident
The next step, you should try to explain as to what problem were you facing, or what behaviour of the opposite person offended you, or what is the issue that you are facing. The goal here is to build a cause-and-effect reasoning, linking an objective statement of their action to the impact that the action has on you.

3. End with an Expressive Statement
Once you explain how a particular action has offended you, you can end the conversation with an expressive statement saying, how you have felt with the action or what issues you are facing after the incident. So you being assertive in your statement should end with an expressive statement, where you are trying to express your feelings over the action or issue that happened with you.

A thoughtfully drafted assertive statement is most effective and impactful when mentioned on the spot, or at the end of the conversation. Keeping it to the end, or at the beginning of the conversation will likely get it to be pushy, and the opposite person to whom you aim to speak at will feel uncomfortable to discuss over it, no matter how well it is framed.

In spite of having the above formula to be assertive in hand, it might not always be easy to explain your point of view to others, nor is it necessary that the person to whom you wish to speak to will react positively to it. To talk assertively, you will need to accumulate as much as evidence as possible to prove your statement of the negative effect it has had over you.

Your main motive is not to offend or have an argument, but rather to provide a clarity and specificity over the issue that is being faced. Assertive statement should never be used as a harp to harm the other, but rather should be used positively, so as to solve the differences. Everyone may not see in the same way as you see it, but that doesn’t mean you are wrong. Everyone just has a different way of seeing a particular picture. One can put forth its statement, and let the other decide how he would want to react over it.

Every reaction may be positive, or may not be positive, and there are chances, that the decision doesn’t come in your favour too. What is more important, is that you drawing the courage to voice your opinions and concerns without being adamant or arrogant.

Be assertive, speak up, without being forceful, and have a Transforming Tuesday!

Written By Faber Ancita Lobo